Piña Colada Nonsense

North Portland 

 Finlay Black was sans a stereo, but he did have his phone and an empty solo cup. Sinalongs were best in front of a crowd, but he was perfectly content serenading himself and the few pool dwellers who were defiantly intent on sticking out his off-key renditions. Belting out the boozy-smooth lyrics of Rupert Holmes to the dragonflies that skimmed across the surface of the pool, his head tipped back, basking afloat a neon pink inflatable flamingo.

 " "....IF YOU LIKE MAKING LOVE AT MIDNIGHT, IN THE FUMES OF AN APE..."" Those were not the lyrics, but that was half the fun!

  Aside from a few pesky hotel guests making complaints, this was the perfect way to start a morning. When they yelled, he simply sang louder, and none of the employees seemed willing to take a dip on their customers' behalf. For shame. One hand slipped into the water, propelling himself in a gentle circle, stopping when he spotted a professionally dressed woman at the edge of the pool. He wiggled his fingers at her in a little wave. "You comin' in?"

There weren't many days that her assistant came running to her about a mysterious person lurking around the hotel. Generally she thought security dealt with that but when it was time for a major event, most of them were assisting with the guests entering the ballroom. Which left her to deal with outside threats. Party crashers not high on her list of people she enjoyed dealing with especially when the guests at the event were supposed to go poolside in an hour or so and they couldn't have someone just dinking around the hotel pool that wasn't a guest With her clipboard in hand, she shooed away her assistant who seemed to be dramatizing the situation about one person potentially ruining this event.

Gracie was a professional and she doubted that whoever this was that big of a deal compared to her assistant's insistence from what he had spied on from afar. The man didn't even know how to investigate things correctly, surely she couldn't rely on him to make nuisances like this simply go away. As she approached the pool she finally noticed the individual in question. Who is this motherfucker?! There were a few people nearby who seemed to be ignoring them. They clearly had access to the pool because of their guest bracelets but this fool had the gull to come into her hotel and bask in the ambiance of her guests.

"Not likely. Party's over, buddy." she had half a mind to pop his damn flamingo float but it might have belonged to the hotel and she didn't want to risk damaging company property. But she still wanted to knock him down few pegs. "Does the flamingo even belong to you?" she queried, not in the mood to deal with this interloper.

 "This flamingo, right here?" He touched it as if it’d suddenly manifested beneath him to his great delight and surprise. "He belongs to no one, he is a free bird, liberated from the depths of Walmart's greedy capitalist clutches." Shoplifted last night, to be exact.

 This hotel employee seemed a bit more important and a bit more adamant than the others who’d toddled along with weak attempts to fish him out, but she still didn’t appear to have back up with her, nor the fortitude to brave the water herself. So here he swirled, the sun beating down in a pleasant, baking way.

 He tipped his head back and started in hard on another chorus. "IF YOU LIKE PINA COLADAS…"

Oh, no, he was one of those free-spirited chumps who thought their hair cut was all that and the thought world was their oyster. Now she really wanted to rip him a new one but she'd refrain from turning this into the wild wild west. The flamingo was an innocent after all. "I'm sure all of their flamingo friends appreciate your righteous efforts to stick it to the floatie corporate head." she murmured with a shake of her head. Ah, so there wasn't just a case of intrusion but one of sticky fingers. What a ham. Did he plan to marinate in his stupidity while he was at it?

The sudden musical outburst seemed like a clear sign of yes. "I don't actually, which is why they're not served here. So why don't take your pink pal here and find the exit. I'm sure a bar would be more accommodating for what you're looking for." Gracie had half a mind to pop the poor flamingo just to put him out of his misery. It would've been satisfying to see the interloper fall into the water but there were cameras out here and she didn't want to be on Youtube and piss off the local witches.

So instead, she was fighting fire with snarkiness and seeing where that brought her. Her mood had already sunk so the salt would flow naturally anyway. Now she just had to wait to see what his move was. That flamingo stealing pool crasher shouldn't quit his day job to say the least. She doubted he wanted to see her monster mode.

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